All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
