he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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