I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
