I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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