They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
