haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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