My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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