Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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