After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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