He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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