Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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