She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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