I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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