take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
