I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
