How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
