Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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