Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
