She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
