happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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