fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
