Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
