i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
