I skipped work to stalk him.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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