Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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