she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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