Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
