got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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