Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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