Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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