i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
