Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize