Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
