I think I died a long time ago.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
