I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
