I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
