I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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