so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
