My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
