im drinking this country out of the recession.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
