She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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