I have demons in me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
