my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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