i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
