Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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