I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
