ugly people sure do ruin things
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
