he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
