I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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