weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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