So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
