I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize