I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Panties = found
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
