East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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