I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want to be your penis for a week.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Everclear isn't food dammit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
