I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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