Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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