so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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