I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
