I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
