i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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