so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
