Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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