So drunk, too bad you don't want this
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
