I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is it penis luge time yet?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
