is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
