I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.