My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?