Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.