Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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