You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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