So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
