that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
