fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
