Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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