We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
