I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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