Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
