these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
